Airbus are at it again...this time it's in-flight hair dryers! - David Wardell
OK, I'm kidding. No, it's not really hair dryers - though I quite like the idea of a salon at 30,000feet - but the latest daft patent from Airbus. Regular readers will remember that a couple of months ago Airbus wanted us to sit on an oversize bike-saddle to enjoy our flight.
In this latest patent they seem to have ditched that idea and we're now back to armchairs.
This latest wizard-wheeze is for us all to fly, as the patent puts it, in a state of 'sensorial isolation'. A virtual reality headset will cocoon us from the real world in a state of blissful oblivion. The headset incorporates a screen to play games, watch movies or other imagery, coupled with noise-cancelling headphones - to drown out the drone of the engines or the mewlings of fractious children. No longer will you have to endure the noxious body odours of your fellow passengers as the headset also incorporates a device to pump pleasant aromas at you. There are even mini air-bags to soften the blows of unexpected turbulance.
This is all well and good but what happens at mealtimes?
Will the cabin crew be forced to poke you with a stick to gain your attention?
This patent has set me thinking. My solution to the whole problem is simple - anaesthesia. Why can't the airlines simply drug us in the flight lounge, tip us into a wheelbarrow, load us on board - stacked like cord-wood - and de-plane us at the other end to be revived in our destination flight lounge. Simples! I'm not sure if it's patentable though...hmm.
Hang on a minute. I've got it all wrong. If these virtual reality headsets are so good, why do we need to fly anywhere? Who needs to be a jet-setter? You could just slob-out on your sofa while the virtual world comes to you!
Oh well, back to the drawing board. I can't wait for Airbus's next patent - they've given a whole new meaning to the words 'in-flight entertainment'.